A married man wants to know…

Q: Jeremy in Ohio - “Is it uncommon to be a happily married man, but constantly think about being with other women?”

There are several answers to this question, all depending on what your personal beliefs on the subject are. If you’re a strict monogamist and/or proscribe to one of the major organized religions that doesn’t encourage multiple partners, then the answer would be, “Yes, it’s normal to think of other women. But it’s not good to do so, as it may tempt you to stray from your partner. Attempt to suppress those thoughts and replace them with pleasing memories of your loved one or fill your heart with the love of (insert deity).” If you’re a bit more liberal, but still a monogamist, the answer would be something along the lines of “Thinking about it is fine, acting on your thoughts is not. Look, but don’t touch.”

My answer would be entirely and completely different. I am not a monogamist, a traditionalist, nor do I proscribe to any organized religion. I don’t allow myself to be shamed into denying my own natural impulses. So my answer would be, “It is completely natural, both biologically and societally in today’s culture to be in a moderate state of arousal pretty much all of the time. We’re heavily influenced by the media and the expectations of our peers to see the opposite sex not as people, but as sexually charged objects. It’s completely normal to go as far as daydreams when you encounter someone you find attractive. Acting on your impulses however should be kept within the boundaries of your current relationship. If you don’t know what that means, just understand this. I believe that every relationship should have an individual set of rules, determined, discussed and agreed upon solely between the people in that relationship. As long as your partner knows what you’re doing and you’re completely open and honest with one another about your feelings before and afterwards, you should be fine.”