“Sex tips” from 1894 to 2008

I ran across these sex tips from 1894 and their comparative list from 2008. My first impression was to laugh a little and pass it on to a couple of friends. Then I started thinking about it and I wondered if things had really changed that much.

Here’s the 1894 tips -

• The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly — and as time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

• A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of his wife. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: Give little, give seldom and above all give grudgingly. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

• A wise wife will make it her goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her.

• Once in bed, the wife should turn off all the lights and make no sound to guide her husband in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement.

• When he finds her, she should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practised only in total darkness.

• Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. Arguments, nagging, scolding and bickering prove very effective if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

• By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child-bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband.

Here’s what they included as 2008’s version, an excerpt from Holly Hollenbeck’s book, Sex Lives of Wives -

• Exude tremendous enthusiasm for sex and have it as often as possible. Try never to say no and do not start thinking or talking about other chores or problems during it.

• Create variety — make love as a “lady” then next time, play it nasty as a “tramp”. Alternate the pace — sometimes fast and frantic, sometimes slow and romantic, using different sound effects, including sexy compliments breathlessly uttered, pleasurable moans and sighs and nasty encouragements.

• Be assertive about what you want, taking care that any ideas do not come across as criticism. Try incorporating what you would like him to do by working the suggestions into the details of a story. Describe how hot such action would make you or your character in the story feel.

• Tune in to what he loves and share it with him — if he likes watching sexy movies, suggest watching one together. Visit a bookshop and choose some erotic stories you can read to each other, surf the web with him and share “chats”.

• Venture outside the bedroom and seek unusual locations for sex. Have a mental fixation on the sensation — focus only on his and your pleasure.

• Know what turns you on — your desire will heighten his. Good things for women to try include having an ear sucked, a foot rub, leaning on a vibrating washing machine during the spin cycle and feeling the spray of a pulsating showerhead.

Sure, it’s easy to say that people in 1894 were more prudish, less sexually advanced and in general, worthy of our collective, self-actualized pity. But to accept the sex advice they included as what’s commonly offered for 2008 might be a bit assumptive. My guess is that the advice they have here from 1894 had a heavy religious influence and I’m curious if the religious have come any further.

Here’s what I tracked down from the Christians - http://wivesoffaith.blogspot.com

After I stopped giggling like a child at “Daddy God”, I grabbed these excerpts:

* Sex is one of the most important ingredients for a happy and healthy marriage…

*Wives: Most of us can live without it (sex)…The point is this: You husband needs sex from you. Your marriage needs you to have sex with your husband…Have sex with your husband on a regular basis…

*He also wants you to keep it holy. It is never to include movies, magazines, or other ungodly influences. You don’t need all that junk to enjoy it.

The Muslims are a bit less enthusiastic, but nevertheless interesting. These excerpts actually come from a letter written to an “instructor of fiqh and Islamic studies” asking this question -

“Respected scholars, as-salamu `alaykum. Is it permissible for Muslims to look at pictures of couples doing other styles of sexual intercourse? Please know that they are NOT showing their private parts. Please also know that this is for the sake of me and my husband to experiment and attain pleasure. Jazakum Allahu khayran.”

His answer is a bit more verbose, but basically comes down to this -

“Islam is a comprehensive religion that takes are of all aspects of life…Muslims can learn about sex by various lawful means. Muslim couples are encouraged to read books that explain proper conduct and rulings related to sex, and that have some illustrations without any immoral pictures or vulgar expressions.”

God bless the Mormons for really driving this one home for me.

The following is from Prophet Harold B. Lee, 2002-2003 lesson manual for all Church-wide Priesthood and Relief Society classes. I only include all of that because this is both recent and that it’s a lesson from one of their prophets to their entire priesthood and the classes they teach in their “relief societies” -

“God has placed foremost in the category of serious crimes against which we are warned… first, murder, and second only to that, sexual impurity. The Church counsels you to be modest in your dress and manner and to forbid the evil thoughts that would prompt your lips to obscenity and your conduct to be base and unseemly.”

Prophet Spencer W. Kimball said this in “The Miracle of Forgiveness” -

“Among the most common sexual sins our young people commit are necking and petting. Not only do these improper relations often lead to fornication, [unwed] pregnancy, and abortions - all ugly sins - but in and of themselves they are pernicious evils, and it is often difficult for youth to distinguish where one ends and another begins. They awaken lust and stir evil thoughts and sex desires. They are but parts of the whole family of related sins and indiscretions. Almost like twins, ‘petting’ and fornication are alike.”

While things have come a long way since 1894 and though I’ll give some of the religions a few points for opening up to reality a bit, it’s obvious that we haven’t come that far. Between the despicable, nearly inhuman treatment of women worldwide by Muslims, the polygamous marriages to children by Mormons and Christians believing that a woman’s body is their business and that homosexuality is an abomination, the religious have been proving for thousands of years that they’ll keep attempting to destroy sex and bury humanity in guilt, shame and fear.

I think Holly Hollenbeck’s got it closer to right, but I can’t agree that her advice is altogether common in 2008. We’ve got a long way to go and in the last 114 years, we don’t seem to have made it too far.

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A married man wants to know…

Q: Jeremy in Ohio - “Is it uncommon to be a happily married man, but constantly think about being with other women?”

There are several answers to this question, all depending on what your personal beliefs on the subject are. If you’re a strict monogamist and/or proscribe to one of the major organized religions that doesn’t encourage multiple partners, Read more

Is it ok for a straight man to have gay thoughts?

Q: David in Florida - “I’m a straight man who occasionally has gay thoughts and even dreams. Is that normal? I’m only attracted to women and have never been comfortable with guys in that way. But, I’ve browsed some gay sites online and caught myself looking at guys in public. I can’t help but feeling turned on sometimes. Am I gay and just denying it?”

Having homosexual thoughts, fantasies, dreams and desires is perfectly natural. According to Masters and Johnson, the percentage of men in America who have had a homoerotic experience to orgasm is very high. They say that by the age of 49, in excess of 60% of American men have had such an experience. Kinsey published Sexual Behavior in the Human Male in 1948. Even in those conservative times, Kinsey found that many men he surveyed admitted to having a same sex experience, in excess of 49%. Same sex behavior is natural for both humans and animals. Fruit flies, sheep, flamingos, apes and other species have “gay” members too.

Homosexuality and bisexuality, we now know from modern research, are ubiquitous throughout the world. They exist in all cultures, and at all times in history. As a part of our evolutionary history, past, present and future, homosexuality and bisexuality are very commonly practiced in nearly every culture, whether tolerated or not. The differences among cultures are the openness with which it is practiced.

If you are predominately attracted to the same sex AND you feel that you want to romantically love and share your life with a member of the same sex, you may be gay. But, being gay is a mind, body and spiritual orientation, not just a sexual one.

My best guess is that you’re bi-sexual and becoming more comfortable with the notion that you may find men sexually attractive. There is absolutely nothing wrong with those feelings, as long as any experimentation you do is done safely and honestly. Be honest with yourself and check in mentally and emotionally on a regular basis to make sure you’re comfortable. There is nothing that will ruin sexual experimentation faster than feeling forced or rushed. Don’t allow that to happen. Wait for the right person at the right time, in the right place and let your inhibitions, fears and shame go. If you have a girlfriend or wife, honesty with her is very important too. While it may be extremely difficult to broach this subject with your partner, its a necessity to do so.

Starting with transsexual pornography or even meeting and flirting with a T/S is a common way for a straight man to experiment. Ignore the taboos and all the jokes you’ve heard. A beautiful woman who also happens to have a penis not only allows you to be in familiar territory, but also to explore new horizons. I found a couple sites you might like AllTranny.com and TrannySurprise.com. They were both very well reviewed and the content looks high quality and consistently updated.

If and when you’re ready to meet another man to experiment, the Internet is also a very good place to start. Its much less intimidating that gay bars can be if you’re not ready for that environment. Try OutPersonals.com or GayFriendFinder.com and start slowly. There’s a huge community of wonderful people out there that would be glad to embrace you and make you a friend, but people are always people, regardless of sexual orientation. Be honest that you’re just curious and experimenting. I think you’ll enjoy the response.

Entangled in Ex Sex

Q: Omar in Nicaragua - I’m tangled up with two women, one is my current gf and the other is my ex. We see each other once in a while, she’s wilder than my current gf. Now the ex-gf says that I have to set things clear because she still loves me and cannot move on until things are clear. She feels I’m using her because she loves me and I’m only using her sexually. I’m not breaking up with my girlfriend, (who btw doesn’t know Read more

Can I be an “escort” without being a “hooker”?

Q: Tabitha in Phoenix - I’m considering becoming an escort and I want some advice. I’m a single mother of two beautiful girls and can’t afford to pay all the bills without doing something else. I’ve been a dancer for five years and the money’s ok, but their father hasn’t paid child support in six years and I don’t have any family. Is it possible to do Read more

Did you ever notice how monogamy rhymes with monotony?

The first time I heard that was when the “Christian Troy” character on FX’s “Nip/Tuck” said it. That show has so many truly intriguing story lines about and around sex. I can’t get enough of it. It got me thinking and I had a long conversation with my girlfriend about it today. I suppose this will require some background. For all of my young Read more