Here’s the 1894 tips -

• The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly — and as time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

• A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of his wife. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: Give little, give seldom and above all give grudgingly. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

• A wise wife will make it her goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her.

• Once in bed, the wife should turn off all the lights and make no sound to guide her husband in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement.

• When he finds her, she should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practised only in total darkness.

• Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. Arguments, nagging, scolding and bickering prove very effective if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

• By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child-bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband.

Here’s what they included as 2008’s version, an excerpt from Holly Hollenbeck’s book, Sex Lives of Wives -

• Exude tremendous enthusiasm for sex and have it as often as possible. Try never to say no and do not start thinking or talking about other chores or problems during it.

• Create variety — make love as a “lady” then next time, play it nasty as a “tramp”. Alternate the pace — sometimes fast and frantic, sometimes slow and romantic, using different sound effects, including sexy compliments breathlessly uttered, pleasurable moans and sighs and nasty encouragements.

• Be assertive about what you want, taking care that any ideas do not come across as criticism. Try incorporating what you would like him to do by working the suggestions into the details of a story. Describe how hot such action would make you or your character in the story feel.

• Tune in to what he loves and share it with him — if he likes watching sexy movies, suggest watching one together. Visit a bookshop and choose some erotic stories you can read to each other, surf the web with him and share “chats”.

• Venture outside the bedroom and seek unusual locations for sex. Have a mental fixation on the sensation — focus only on his and your pleasure.

• Know what turns you on — your desire will heighten his. Good things for women to try include having an ear sucked, a foot rub, leaning on a vibrating washing machine during the spin cycle and feeling the spray of a pulsating showerhead.

Sure, it’s easy to say that people in 1894 were more prudish, less sexually advanced and in general, worthy of our collective, self-actualized pity. But to accept the sex advice they included as what’s commonly offered for 2008 might be a bit assumptive. My guess is that the advice they have here from 1894 had a heavy religious influence and I’m curious if the religious have come any further.

Here’s what I tracked down from the Christians - http://wivesoffaith.blogspot.com

After I stopped giggling like a child at “Daddy God”, I grabbed these excerpts:

* Sex is one of the most important ingredients for a happy and healthy marriage…

*Wives: Most of us can live without it (sex)…The point is this: You husband needs sex from you. Your marriage needs you to have sex with your husband…Have sex with your husband on a regular basis…

*He also wants you to keep it holy. It is never to include movies, magazines, or other ungodly influences. You don’t need all that junk to enjoy it.

The Muslims are a bit less enthusiastic, but nevertheless interesting. These excerpts actually come from a letter written to an “instructor of fiqh and Islamic studies” asking this question -

“Respected scholars, as-salamu `alaykum. Is it permissible for Muslims to look at pictures of couples doing other styles of sexual intercourse? Please know that they are NOT showing their private parts. Please also know that this is for the sake of me and my husband to experiment and attain pleasure. Jazakum Allahu khayran.”

His answer is a bit more verbose, but basically comes down to this -

“Islam is a comprehensive religion that takes are of all aspects of life…Muslims can learn about sex by various lawful means. Muslim couples are encouraged to read books that explain proper conduct and rulings related to sex, and that have some illustrations without any immoral pictures or vulgar expressions.”

God bless the Mormons for really driving this one home for me.

The following is from Prophet Harold B. Lee, 2002-2003 lesson manual for all Church-wide Priesthood and Relief Society classes. I only include all of that because this is both recent and that it’s a lesson from one of their prophets to their entire priesthood and the classes they teach in their “relief societies” -

“God has placed foremost in the category of serious crimes against which we are warned… first, murder, and second only to that, sexual impurity. The Church counsels you to be modest in your dress and manner and to forbid the evil thoughts that would prompt your lips to obscenity and your conduct to be base and unseemly.”

Prophet Spencer W. Kimball said this in “The Miracle of Forgiveness” -

“Among the most common sexual sins our young people commit are necking and petting. Not only do these improper relations often lead to fornication, [unwed] pregnancy, and abortions - all ugly sins - but in and of themselves they are pernicious evils, and it is often difficult for youth to distinguish where one ends and another begins. They awaken lust and stir evil thoughts and sex desires. They are but parts of the whole family of related sins and indiscretions. Almost like twins, ‘petting’ and fornication are alike.”

While things have come a long way since 1894 and though I’ll give some of the religions a few points for opening up to reality a bit, it’s obvious that we haven’t come that far. Between the despicable, nearly inhuman treatment of women worldwide by Muslims, the polygamous marriages to children by Mormons and Christians believing that a woman’s body is their business and that homosexuality is an abomination, the religious have been proving for thousands of years that they’ll keep attempting to destroy sex and bury humanity in guilt, shame and fear.

I think Holly Hollenbeck’s got it closer to right, but I can’t agree that her advice is altogether common in 2008. We’ve got a long way to go and in the last 114 years, we don’t seem to have made it too far.

There are several answers to this question, all depending on what your personal beliefs on the subject are. If you’re a strict monogamist and/or proscribe to one of the major organized religions that doesn’t encourage multiple partners, then the answer would be, “Yes, it’s normal to think of other women. But it’s not good to do so, as it may tempt you to stray from your partner. Attempt to suppress those thoughts and replace them with pleasing memories of your loved one or fill your heart with the love of (insert deity).” If you’re a bit more liberal, but still a monogamist, the answer would be something along the lines of “Thinking about it is fine, acting on your thoughts is not. Look, but don’t touch.”

My answer would be entirely and completely different. I am not a monogamist, a traditionalist, nor do I proscribe to any organized religion. I don’t allow myself to be shamed into denying my own natural impulses. So my answer would be, “It is completely natural, both biologically and societally in today’s culture to be in a moderate state of arousal pretty much all of the time. We’re heavily influenced by the media and the expectations of our peers to see the opposite sex not as people, but as sexually charged objects. It’s completely normal to go as far as daydreams when you encounter someone you find attractive. Acting on your impulses however should be kept within the boundaries of your current relationship. If you don’t know what that means, just understand this. I believe that every relationship should have an individual set of rules, determined, discussed and agreed upon solely between the people in that relationship. As long as your partner knows what you’re doing and you’re completely open and honest with one another about your feelings before and afterwards, you should be fine.”

Having homosexual thoughts, fantasies, dreams and desires is perfectly natural. According to Masters and Johnson, the percentage of men in America who have had a homoerotic experience to orgasm is very high. They say that by the age of 49, in excess of 60% of American men have had such an experience. Kinsey published Sexual Behavior in the Human Male in 1948. Even in those conservative times, Kinsey found that many men he surveyed admitted to having a same sex experience, in excess of 49%. Same sex behavior is natural for both humans and animals. Fruit flies, sheep, flamingos, apes and other species have “gay” members too.

Homosexuality and bisexuality, we now know from modern research, are ubiquitous throughout the world. They exist in all cultures, and at all times in history. As a part of our evolutionary history, past, present and future, homosexuality and bisexuality are very commonly practiced in nearly every culture, whether tolerated or not. The differences among cultures are the openness with which it is practiced.

If you are predominately attracted to the same sex AND you feel that you want to romantically love and share your life with a member of the same sex, you may be gay. But, being gay is a mind, body and spiritual orientation, not just a sexual one.

My best guess is that you’re bi-sexual and becoming more comfortable with the notion that you may find men sexually attractive. There is absolutely nothing wrong with those feelings, as long as any experimentation you do is done safely and honestly. Be honest with yourself and check in mentally and emotionally on a regular basis to make sure you’re comfortable. There is nothing that will ruin sexual experimentation faster than feeling forced or rushed. Don’t allow that to happen. Wait for the right person at the right time, in the right place and let your inhibitions, fears and shame go. If you have a girlfriend or wife, honesty with her is very important too. While it may be extremely difficult to broach this subject with your partner, its a necessity to do so.

Starting with transsexual pornography or even meeting and flirting with a T/S is a common way for a straight man to experiment. Ignore the taboos and all the jokes you’ve heard. A beautiful woman who also happens to have a penis not only allows you to be in familiar territory, but also to explore new horizons. I found a couple sites you might like AllTranny.com and TrannySurprise.com. They were both very well reviewed and the content looks high quality and consistently updated.

If and when you’re ready to meet another man to experiment, the Internet is also a very good place to start. Its much less intimidating that gay bars can be if you’re not ready for that environment. Try OutPersonals.com or GayFriendFinder.com and start slowly. There’s a huge community of wonderful people out there that would be glad to embrace you and make you a friend, but people are always people, regardless of sexual orientation. Be honest that you’re just curious and experimenting. I think you’ll enjoy the response.

Ok, so let me get this straight. You’ve got a current girlfriend who you say that you love and compliment as being “easy going, not jealous and more mature” than your ex. But you say that she doesn’t please you sexually. Your girlfriend doesn’t know that you’re still having sex with your “sexually-superior” ex-girlfriend, who is an ex because she goes through your personal things and presumably for other reasons.

If you’re not going to break up with your current girlfriend and you’re not in an open relationship, continuing to have sex with your ex is a major mistake. She will find out the hard way and when she does, you’ll have hurt someone you claim to love. It also sounds like you left your ex for some good reasons. Other than the sex, you don’t mention any other redeeming characteristics or interest in her.
First, stop cheating on your girlfriend. “Cheating” isn’t a term that I use often because I just plain don’t like it. But, it is what you’re doing. If you love your girlfriend and you’re in a monogamous relationship, respect that. Be honest with her and accept the consequences of what you’ve done. Hopefully, she’ll be forgiving and your relationship will grow stronger for your honesty.

As far as your ex-girlfriend goes, know that sex can be magnificent with somebody who’s just plain not good for you. I’ve been there. Her behavior indicates some deep-seeded insecurity, which is generally where that kind of jealousy comes from. If it didn’t work the first time, chances are it won’t this time either. Cut your losses and cut her loose.

You have an opportunity here with your current girlfriend to mold her sexually. That may sound chauvinistic to some, but it is really a chance for the both of you to be better, together. You have to be very, very careful about how you do this. I’d suggest waiting until after things have settled down. It’s ok to mention during that conversation that your ex was more open sexually than she currently is. While that may sting a bit in the moment, it will leave her open to exploring more later. Reassure her that you want to work on that area of your relationship because other areas are so strong that you believe the work and she are worth it. Whether this is successful will lie completely with how well you approach it. Good luck.

If she is both forgiving and open to suggestions for improving your sex life, good for you both. This is no time for ego or to put on your teacher’s cap. She may take that as arrogance or worse, as an insult that she doesn,t know enough. Just sit back and let the experts do the work. Take a look at the many options available to you. These DVDs and the toys, clothes, games, books and other indulgences here will be a lot of help to you.

If you can,t find what you need to invigorate your sex life with her there, you may want to consider some time alone, concentrating on yourself. Maybe what you’re looking for isn’t in a partner, maybe it’s in you.

This is a touchy subject for a lot of people, but I know a bit more about the subject than most. I must digress for a moment to fill you all in on a bit of history about myself. Maybe a little about my experience in this area will better qualify me to answer this question in your minds.

I started bouncing in clubs when I was 16. I bounced in a strip club where some of the girls were also escorts when I was 18 and started driving them when I was 19. At 22, I launched (and later sold) what is now the world’s largest escort community website. At 24 I opened an escort agency in Atlanta, Georgia and ran it very successfully for over 4 years. We offered health insurance, financial planning, pre-paid legal assistance, child care, corporate cell phone discounts, frequent flyer mile programs and many other things generally reserved for “mainstream” jobs. I’m active in several advocacy groups and have many friends that go back over 10 years that are escorts, professional dommes (dominatrixes), adult masseuses, exotic dancers and porn stars. Hopefully, that satisfies any questions you have about my ability to accurately answer this question.

I’m going to give you an overview of the industry as a whole before I answer you question specifically. Though, I believe that the overview will answer a lot of it.

There is a big difference between a “hooker”, i.e. a “streetwalker” and an “escort” or “call girl”. Hookers are almost always controlled by pimps, who string them out on various types of drugs (usually crack cocaine or heroine, increasingly these days - meth). They’re abused, mis-treated and usually receive little or none of the money they earn. They work in alleys, cars, flea bag motels or worse. They receive little, if any medical treatment and are always in fear for their safety or even, their lives. If they’re arrested, the police always try to get them to turn their pimps and never understand why they don’t. It’s a horrible life to live and I have nothing but sympathy for women (and men) who are put into that position or put themselves into it.

Escorting is an entirely different type of profession and generally, a different type of person. Escorts usually work 3 - 5 days a week, depending on how much they make per session and how reliant they are on the money that they make. If they’re drug addicts or alcoholics, it’s usually a personal decision, rather than something that’s forced on them. Any owner or manager of a decent escort agency would never allow a girl to work drunk or high or even looking or smelling like she’s been drinking or doing drugs. It’s bad for business and almost a guarantee that you’ll never get repeat business from that client. The clients of escorts don’t appreciate that type of girl. These are doctors, lawyers, judges, priests, accountants, engineers and business executives and the escorts have to be the kind of woman that those kind of men would be geniunely interested in.

Escorts either do “outcall” work to homes or nice hotels or have “incall” locations in nice apartments or homes where they host their clients with light conversation, good music, relaxing showers or baths, clean sheets and even a little light food or wine. Their sessions are relaxed and easy-going and both client and escort have codes of conduct and etiquette expectations throughout the time they spend together. They refuse clients who are dirty, drunk, high or unruly. Their safety is paramount and there’s always large, strong and generally armed help very close by. These women make an absolutely minimum of $200 - $250 per hour and some make more than $1500 per hour with 2 or 3 hour minimums. Rates are dependent on a number of factors from physical beauty, personality and education to fetishes and services offered. All available acts have different costs and there is a whole language to conveying the “menu” that is fluently spoken by most escorts and their clientele.

There are two types of escorts - independents and agency girls. There are advantages to both. Being an independent escort means that you take your own phone calls, do your own client screening, schedule your own appointments and are responsible for the costs of your own advertising (print and web), transportation, security and if you have one, incall location. It also means that you make all of the money you earn, whereas most agencies take anywhere from 35% to as high as 70%. Independent escorts are usually smart, capable and wise with investing their money or they’re not independents for long.

Working for an agency is how most escorts get started. There are good agencies and bad agencies, it’s up to you to figure out which is which. Some key things to consider is how long the agency has been open and how they handle call screening. Do they have an incall location? Is it nice, in a better part of town? What about transportation and security? Are they reliable and professional? If the interview involves sex, don’t do it and leave immediately. That’s an old trick and not somebody you want to work for. Be wary and don’t be afraid to say no. Look in your local phone book and alternative newspapers for the larger ads that are in the phone book from 5 years ago and are still there. Google escorts+your city name and see who comes up and then check the age of the website. Ignore the escort directories, look for agencies in your city. Is their website well put together and easy to understand? Does it have pictures of girls that you actually see at the agency or are they fake girls that they’re bait and switching with? Bait and switch is bad for you and for business. The Internet has forever changed the escort business and allowed guys to get very picky. They expect to see the girl in the picture and are generally upset when they don’t, even if they do just say ok because she’s there and they’re tired of waiting and calling around. Save yourself the headache and go with somebody who doesn’t play that game or any of the others.

The advantages of an agency are many. They handle all of your phone calls and do your client screening and appointment setting for you. That’s a huge investment of time and effort, as well as expense for phone lines, web-sites and client screening sources. They also handle all your advertising, which is another huge expense. In a city like Atlanta, advertising for an agency can easily run in excess of $5000 per month. Agencies generally have merchant accounts and give you the ability to accept credit cards. Some independents have done this for themselves too, but it’s expensive and complicated to set up and maintain. Accepting credit cards can up your business 25% to 50%, all by itself. They should also provide you with security and if there’s an incall, they should keep it in good shape and clean. But for these advantages, they’re going to take a % of what you make. Whether or not the trade off is worth it to you is up to you.
Take advantage of the Internet for all it has to offer. A quick google search will bring you countless sources of information, inspiration and assistance. However, as with anything else associated with this business or any other, be cynical about the information you receive and ALWAYS follow your gut.

It would take pages to cover all of your other options, from “massage parlors” to legal brothels in Nevada and overseas. There’s also escort agencies that are actively running scams where the girl goes to a client with the intention of ripping him off. Those scams are too complicated and various to get into, but I strongly encourage you for your personal health and safety to stay away. No matter how much you make, it’s not worth getting beaten up or killed over.

The simple answer to your question is; Yes, you can be an escort without any of the negative stigmas and stereotypes attached to the profession. You can make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year doing it and be perfectly safe, happy and work less than with virtually any other job. There’s always the real possibility of “Sugar Daddies” as well, which takes the income potential sky-high and also opens the door to many other things. The only education you need to do this job, God gave you. Remember to be careful, thoughtful, open-minded and most of all, have fun. Of course there are things to learn and to watch out for. Only your wits and some time can help you there.

If you choose to go that direction, I wish you the best of luck.

I was un-faithful to all of my girlfriends from age 12 to 24. Despite 7 long-term relationships that took up 11 of those 12 years, I had sex with around 150 women in that 12 year period. While I can’t say that I’m proud of that, it did provide a variety of sexual experiences and more than a few life lessons. All that I can say I’m proud of is that I learned from all of it. I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned.

1. The problem with being un-faithful isn’t as much the act itself, but much, much more the deceit and dishonesty involved in concealing it from the person you claim to at very least care about, if not “love”.

In my personal experience and those of my clients, the pain of discovering a lover, boyfriend, wife or even fuck buddy has been un-faithful is multiplied 100 fold if you lied to be able to commit the act or choose to lie afterwards in an attempt to conceal it. The greater your faith to concealing your actions, the more pain you will inflict on the person who feels wronged when they discover it.

2. The “Rules” are the RULES. I have never seen a non-monogamous relationship work that didn’t have its own rules. The rules can only be determined by the people in the relationship. Outside parties, ideas and concepts are good guidelines, but you cannot expect them to understand and adapt to the intricacies of your relationship. Rules change and evolve as people and relationships do. There are things that you can’t do tomorrow that you did together or apart yesterday.

Ignore, bend or break the rules at your own peril. Just as with any other type of relationship, there is betrayal and deceit in non-monogamous relationships too. Sometimes you just need to take a time out, sometimes you just need to adjust something and sometimes ignoring the rules that you helped create and agreed to can cost you a relationship that can be very difficult to replace.

3. Monogamy depends as much on the people involved and their individual sexual experience, drive and biological inclinations as their emotional commitment to their partner. Teenagers and the sexually inexperienced of all ages tend to be much more affected by cheating than those people who have built up either emotional muscle or programmed defense mechanisms for dealing with that type of pain through prior experience. People with a low self-esteem or poor self-image also tend to be much more affected because they’ll almost always blame a lack of something on their part for the partner’s choosing to have an affair. Very commonly heard is, “I guess I just wasn’t good enough for him?”, “What did he have that I didn’t?” or “If only I were more like her, I could win him back.” Infidelity rarely has anything to do with these things.

Older people and/or those with a lower sex drive have a much lower chance of ever having an affair because they’re just not biologically inclined. Typically, they’ll seek comfort and reliability over the risk and potential emotional highs that come with hot flings. There are exceptions to this.

4. There are many kinds of monogamy: Physical, emotional, spiritual, genetic and social…just to name a few.

Physical monogamy allows for people to feel varying levels of emotions for others outside their relationship, as long as they don’t act on it physically. An example of this would be a wife allowing her husband to masturbate to pornography or visit strip clubs, as long as he doesn’t have sex with other women.

Emotional monogamy restricts partners to loving or being committed to one person or multiple people while still allowing for physical contact outside that relationship. An example would be a husband who has agreed that his wife can have sex with other men or women; but only in the same room with him and only if she agrees to only have sex with these people, not to develop relationships with them.

Spiritual monogamy leaves the door open to sex, emotional involvement and all other forms of personal expression with other people outside a designated relationship, as long as those involved remain spiritually committed to those in the agreement. An example would be a polyamorous relationship involving one man and two women. All of the people in that relationship profess to love one another and agree to remain spiritually bonded, while still being free to do as they wish sexually and emotionally.

Genetic monogamy refers to a couple choosing to have and raise children together. It does not restrict sex or emotions in any way. An example would be a gay man choosing to impregnate a lesbian friend who wanted a child. Another example would be the relationship between Bill and Hillary Clinton.

Social monogamy refers to two people who live together, have sex with one another, and cooperate in acquiring basic resources such as food, clothes, and money. It restricts partners to sex only with designated person and typically restricts any kind of romantic or emotional feeling towards members of the opposite sex. This is what is most commonly referred to as simply, “monogamy” and is sometimes referred to as “Sexual Monogamy”. An example would be a Christian man and wife, forbidden from even thinking sexual thoughts of others, much less acting on flirtatious or even possibly sexual impulses.

As you can see, the choices are endless and the boundaries, limitless. You can choose to do as you will, so long as your partner agrees. The key here is that you must discuss those rules, boundaries, limitations or freedoms (as you choose to see it) with your partner and agree on them. Then you should discuss them occasionally as time goes on and change them as compromises permit. Situations, feelings and people DO change. What worked beautifully six months ago may not work today or it may work for twenty years, that’s up to you and yours.

As far as my girlfriend and I go, I think we’ve got it pretty well figured out. I’m free to see whoever I want when I travel and here at home, as long as I’m safe and don’t pursue other relationships. While I’m home, looking is fine, but we only touch together. Pretty wonderful agreement with an amazing woman. So we’ve got it worked out… Here’s hoping you do too.