Is it ok for a straight man to have gay thoughts?

Q: David in Florida - “I’m a straight man who occasionally has gay thoughts and even dreams. Is that normal? I’m only attracted to women and have never been comfortable with guys in that way. But, I’ve browsed some gay sites online and caught myself looking at guys in public. I can’t help but feeling turned on sometimes. Am I gay and just denying it?”

Having homosexual thoughts, fantasies, dreams and desires is perfectly natural. According to Masters and Johnson, the percentage of men in America who have had a homoerotic experience to orgasm is very high. They say that by the age of 49, in excess of 60% of American men have had such an experience. Kinsey published Sexual Behavior in the Human Male in 1948. Even in those conservative times, Kinsey found that many men he surveyed admitted to having a same sex experience, in excess of 49%. Same sex behavior is natural for both humans and animals. Fruit flies, sheep, flamingos, apes and other species have “gay” members too.

Homosexuality and bisexuality, we now know from modern research, are ubiquitous throughout the world. They exist in all cultures, and at all times in history. As a part of our evolutionary history, past, present and future, homosexuality and bisexuality are very commonly practiced in nearly every culture, whether tolerated or not. The differences among cultures are the openness with which it is practiced.

If you are predominately attracted to the same sex AND you feel that you want to romantically love and share your life with a member of the same sex, you may be gay. But, being gay is a mind, body and spiritual orientation, not just a sexual one.

My best guess is that you’re bi-sexual and becoming more comfortable with the notion that you may find men sexually attractive. There is absolutely nothing wrong with those feelings, as long as any experimentation you do is done safely and honestly. Be honest with yourself and check in mentally and emotionally on a regular basis to make sure you’re comfortable. There is nothing that will ruin sexual experimentation faster than feeling forced or rushed. Don’t allow that to happen. Wait for the right person at the right time, in the right place and let your inhibitions, fears and shame go. If you have a girlfriend or wife, honesty with her is very important too. While it may be extremely difficult to broach this subject with your partner, its a necessity to do so.

Starting with transsexual pornography or even meeting and flirting with a T/S is a common way for a straight man to experiment. Ignore the taboos and all the jokes you’ve heard. A beautiful woman who also happens to have a penis not only allows you to be in familiar territory, but also to explore new horizons. I found a couple sites you might like AllTranny.com and TrannySurprise.com. They were both very well reviewed and the content looks high quality and consistently updated.

If and when you’re ready to meet another man to experiment, the Internet is also a very good place to start. Its much less intimidating that gay bars can be if you’re not ready for that environment. Try OutPersonals.com or GayFriendFinder.com and start slowly. There’s a huge community of wonderful people out there that would be glad to embrace you and make you a friend, but people are always people, regardless of sexual orientation. Be honest that you’re just curious and experimenting. I think you’ll enjoy the response.